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 After another long drive, I return home. I would have wrote these past couple days, but I forgot. I am stressed over the paper I need to submit on Sunday and I feel like I don't grasp entirely what I have to do. I did not get around to reading Hero of a Thousand Faces like I hoped. It would have helped my paper. Perhaps I could listen to a rundown of it today sometime. 


My computer keeps showing signs of slowing down. It froze during my stream on Tuesday. I had 3 watchers too. It's unfortunate, really. Every time I make an inch, I feel like I'm pushed back a foot. I am failing at Inktober too. I didn't draw at all on my trip. 


I am, however thinking of a story to write. Hopefully in a graphic novel or online comic style. Something weird so it doesn't have to look great. Something related to dreams with some seriousness but mostly silly. Almost like what I gleamed from what little I read of Homestuck. I feel useless unless I am creating something. I feel like I can't create something because I lack the skills (and Executive dysfunction). But I can't get the skills unless I create. So it's a vicious cycle of feeling....subpar. 


I was hoping my hours would be reduced because of all the time I was taking off. I would have loved another day to rest and build up the emotional and mental strength to get things done. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. 


The cat's relationship is getting worse. I think it started out with a relatively passive battle for space. Harper (my girlfriend's cat) may not have needed to compete for space before. Marcy (my cat) has quite a few times. Harper's method was to hold her ground, eat some of Marcy's food and hiss and swat whenever she came near. Marcy just existed in the space and did not care what Harper did. Marcy learned that from my brother's cat Topher. She lacks, however, Topher's insane friendliness. It's gotten to the point where Harper is terrified to come out from behind the couch, even pooping back there (I don't think peeing, thank goodness). Marcy's indifference made her methods useless and thus is scared. She'll come out a bit when someone is around, but Marcy always being around the corner puts Harper constantly on edge. Marcy is basically doing a victory lap. She tries to fuck with Harper, laying in wait to fake her out, walking up to her slowly and eating her food. We tried to let Harper eat by shutting her in the other room, Marcy proceeded to vomit in front of the door. I'm not entirely sure what message she was trying to send, but it annoyed the fuck out of me. I tried putting them in their carriers and had them face outside for forced bonding, which worked for a bit. I also tried getting them high together off valerian root, but it didn't hit Marcy very hard and Harper didn't partake at all. I'm gonna try spiking their food.


I need to do my final paper for my class.....I hope I don't fail it


~wizoko

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