Another Week

 It's been a week. I submitted my first assignments which were fine.


Other than that, I went home and brought my cat with. She seemed actually happy even though she knew there was another cat in the house. We kept them separated, but had them eat on either side of the door and had a no contact face to face. Currently we have them switched. Harper is shut in the bedroom and Marcy is wandering. Marcy is having a blast. Harper is not. Marcy will hiss but ultimately doesn't care. Could be because she's the "intruder" in this scenario, but when we brought her home with my brothers cat (Topher) and the family cat (Static), she wouldn't leave the crate for almost two days.


I'm stressed. Depressed. There is a lot to think about at one time for me. I have readings to do, things to submit, jobs to apply to, work to go to and on top of that, talking to people is exhausting. My father, especially. Not my place to say right now anything. It's just draining.


Work is boring. It feels like it's dying. The coffee shop isn't getting business anymore so I'm stuck sitting around doing nothing but maybe playing games, putting stickers on things and trying to stay alert for customers. I get some reading done, but not all. I'm not logged in on my laptop to the things i need. I could be, but I'm not. I know, not an excuse. I have ADD and, by extension, Executive Dysfunction.


That's another thing stressing me. 


I know I should draw more. Write more. Play music more. But I can't. I'm not sure how to fully explain it, but it's like I have the desire, the need to do these things but there's a wall. It's always in my way; inhibiting my ability to execute my desire. It makes me feel so helpless. I feel like I don't have time for things but, even when I do, I can't do it. Most my life I have others that pushed me to do things. My mother, mostly. I'm on my own now. I need to be. I want to be. Applying to classes was huge for me. It was the first big decision I've made by myself. It felt freeing but now I'm terrified. The fear is making my Executive Dysfunction worse, I fear. 


I'm not sure who reads this, or if anyone will. That's fine. This is probably just for me

Comments

  1. KimSeptember 13, 2021 at 2:35 PM

    Nicely done relaying your struggles. Just take one day and one task at a time and you will get it done. Proud of you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The year lost

Image
  I don't even remember how long it's been since my last post. I had one drafted out that I never finished. Everything just got in the way. I guess I will catch us up to speed. If I recall, I last left off at our search for a new house. We ended up getting a bid accepted for a home not too far from where we were living before. When looking at the house the first time, it was raining and we saw a white cat taking shelter under the houses overhang. We almost took it as a sign that this was gonna be our house. When we met with the previous homeowners, they told us that there are a few cats around that were left behind by other neighbors when they moved away and they've been feeding them. Now as a conservation biologist, I don't condone outdoor cats, nor calling them into a specific area. The damage was done, however, so we began to try and befriend and catch them. We noticed there were a few kittens around as well. After getting bitten by the tabby in the photo above, we e...
Read more

Recommendations Part 4: Those that All Should Play

Image
  Nearly every gamer has a list of games they think are the best and that everyone should play. This isn't a list of the best games, or my favorite games. They're games that I think everyone should play at some point. They're games that can help a gamer understand what makes a good game, the development process of a game or understand the history of modern games to appreciate what they have more and understand that there is more to understand and learn about game design. This list is to also explain to a non gamer what a game is and how it isn't all "Rooty Tooty McShooty" or waste of time repetitive violence fests and are instead an art form that stimulates more than just the eyes and ears. There will be difficult games on this list, but I don't expect players to 100% these games nor do I expect people to play them at all. Maybe it's for the lore, storytelling, and art design. It's also difficult to make this list because games I think should be on...
Read more

The Fool

Image
 What can be said about The Fool? Numbered zero in the deck, it stands for new beginnings. The young chimney sweep in this card denotes childlike awe and inspiration. Not bogged down by society and not aware of society's true expectations of him. He stands on the roof, in unsullied clothes, above the toil that others deal with and is prepared to begin his journey of life. The sunrise in the background adds to this new beginning. The original card is often depicted similarly: a young character carrying a rucksack on a stick, standing on the precipice, about to leap down into the world below, accompanied by a white dog as their guiding light. Often showing clean or pure imagery such as the white flower and clean clothes, the card pushes the idea of "new." This was my card for March. I will note it was reversed, however my deck doesn't want to be read as such, luckily. This month already begins a new class of illustration. One week in and it's already proving more in...
Read more