Ramblings of a Mad Man

 Been a while. Not much has happened, I suppose. 


I got a drone. The Mavic 3. Hopefully I can start doing video and photography with that soon. Just waiting on the tablet to come in so I can see what I'm doing.


My writing class is pretty straight forward, which is nice. We've written a couple things to just portray setting and conflict. I based them off a story idea I had about if D&D style magic was in our world. I mean, that idea has been done before but I have my own spin on it.


I was able to draw a bit. A silly comic character I came up with called The Littlest Goblin. I'm just so frustrated with myself. I struggle so hard with perspective, head shapes and hands/feet. I can draw weird things easily, but who can't? Just draw whatever the fuck you feel like. I know that to get better, I need to just draw more. I've heard that 1000 times from artists. Like I fucking know. I can't bring myself to do the things I want to do. I'm not sure if it's fear of failure or anxiety over how much work I know it'll be to get better. Just something prevents me from doing it. It stresses me out more because I know this is part of what I want to do. The fear of failure is that much more potent because of it. I get overwhelmed doing things that's work towards my goals. It doesn't help that this environment I'm living in seems to kill my creativity. It's cluttered, small and public. My music playing, too, has fallen a bit by the wayside. I'm not sure why, but working on things when I know others might be around is crippling. Maybe I should see a therapist. But with what money? I have no job and other expenses that come first. I really just gotta push myself in the coming months. I have to push myself to the fucking limit. I have a drawing course coming up. I can already see it: people in my class will have some decent skill in drawing and I'm gonna look like a 7th grader's anime-themed notebook. A similar thing happened when I tried to take an entry level coding class in college. I couldn't keep up cuz everyone knew everything about Visual Basic. The professor barely taught and I was up a creek without a paddle. Only class I can recall ever dropping. 


I feel lost. Like I'm floating in space. I can see some type of solid standing, but I can't swim over to it. It just sits there, just barely out of reach. I should already have the means to reach it, but I failed to gain it earlier. 


If I ever succeed in my goals, this blog will be someone's inspiration. Otherwise, It'll just be the ramblings of a mad man. Currently, it seems like I'm heading towards the latter. 


~wizoko

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The year lost

Image
  I don't even remember how long it's been since my last post. I had one drafted out that I never finished. Everything just got in the way. I guess I will catch us up to speed. If I recall, I last left off at our search for a new house. We ended up getting a bid accepted for a home not too far from where we were living before. When looking at the house the first time, it was raining and we saw a white cat taking shelter under the houses overhang. We almost took it as a sign that this was gonna be our house. When we met with the previous homeowners, they told us that there are a few cats around that were left behind by other neighbors when they moved away and they've been feeding them. Now as a conservation biologist, I don't condone outdoor cats, nor calling them into a specific area. The damage was done, however, so we began to try and befriend and catch them. We noticed there were a few kittens around as well. After getting bitten by the tabby in the photo above, we e...
Read more

Recommendations Part 4: Those that All Should Play

Image
  Nearly every gamer has a list of games they think are the best and that everyone should play. This isn't a list of the best games, or my favorite games. They're games that I think everyone should play at some point. They're games that can help a gamer understand what makes a good game, the development process of a game or understand the history of modern games to appreciate what they have more and understand that there is more to understand and learn about game design. This list is to also explain to a non gamer what a game is and how it isn't all "Rooty Tooty McShooty" or waste of time repetitive violence fests and are instead an art form that stimulates more than just the eyes and ears. There will be difficult games on this list, but I don't expect players to 100% these games nor do I expect people to play them at all. Maybe it's for the lore, storytelling, and art design. It's also difficult to make this list because games I think should be on...
Read more

The Fool

Image
 What can be said about The Fool? Numbered zero in the deck, it stands for new beginnings. The young chimney sweep in this card denotes childlike awe and inspiration. Not bogged down by society and not aware of society's true expectations of him. He stands on the roof, in unsullied clothes, above the toil that others deal with and is prepared to begin his journey of life. The sunrise in the background adds to this new beginning. The original card is often depicted similarly: a young character carrying a rucksack on a stick, standing on the precipice, about to leap down into the world below, accompanied by a white dog as their guiding light. Often showing clean or pure imagery such as the white flower and clean clothes, the card pushes the idea of "new." This was my card for March. I will note it was reversed, however my deck doesn't want to be read as such, luckily. This month already begins a new class of illustration. One week in and it's already proving more in...
Read more