What does it take to overcome a vice?

 As my class nears its end, and I begin writing the final draft of my paper, I reflect on the past few weeks. I began drawing more. Having the tablet be an easy grab helps. I would just like it if I had an actual desk with room to draw on. Some day this week, I plan on spending an entire day just drawing. With jobs to apply for, homework/chores to do, people wanting to hang out, and games with holiday events, finding a day is easier said than done. 

I find myself watching cartoons trying to understand how these artists get so much depth to such simple designs. I draw what I think could be comparable, but end up being considerably more bland. Drawing digitally, though, is making it all more difficult. It's a medium where I can't even draw a straight line, let alone anything with any sort of detail. 

My next class is color theory. I'm honestly not sure if that's a good thing or not. It's a class that required me to purchase Adobe Creative Cloud so I am unsure if I will be drawing or not in this class. If not, I have two more months to get a better understanding on why I'm not a decent artist before my illustration class. 

Months ago, I promised a friend from college I would help them with a podcast going through the various Harry Potter books. I did it under the premise that I could promote myself to be hired for voice acting. I kinda put that aside, but I'm a man of my word and need to help with a few chapters of the Half Blood Prince. Finding a copy of the book is proving more annoying than I thought. I might just purchase a digital copy on my tablet. 

I'm concerned about our cat Harper. She never travels outside the living room anymore and mostly stays behind the couch. She's not fond of the bed we bought her, instead opting to sleep next to her litter box on the litter strewn floor. I'm afraid she will fall sick. Marcy was being, in her own deluded way, kind to Harper, but now Marcy is beginning to be the first to hiss. A friendship between them seems even more impossible. Maybe if I just give them a ton of valerian root, they can trip together and come out as friends. 

I am also concerned about Elizabeth. She hates her job. Hell, I hate her job. She's underpaid and underappreciated. That's why I got her the classes to get the certifications she needed for her dream job. That was last Christmas. The course is timed for about a year and a half with three parts. She has yet to complete part one. I think she, too, has some form of Executive Dysfunction. As her significant other, I should try to help her get the work done in any way I can. I've been failing at that too, being too absorbed in my own shortcomings. 

I've been thinking a lot about addiction. Mostly how it pertains to the things I do. Specifically if what I do is addiction, habit, escapism or some combination of those. My biggest vice is gaming. I do it basically every day. I'm technically doing it while writing this: afk skilling in RuneScape trying to complete a task set. I think I concluded that games like RuneScape are habit but usually games are escapist. Games in general very much used to be addiction, but now if I go a day or two not playing, I'm fine. Mostly they exist now to fill the gaps in time. Gaps I could probably fill with meditation, reading or drawing, but picking up a game is just easier for me. It's a type of comfort. My family will say a thousand times that it's addiction, but it doesn't feel like that. At least not anymore. If anything is addiction it's the apps on my phone. I use those more than games to procrastinate on things that are more productive. I feel better spending a whole day gaming than I do spending a couple hours scrolling through memes. At least with the games I play, I'm using my brain. There's also weed, but that's more of a night cap. When I'm done with my day, I'll take some to make dinner and games more interesting. I do it most days now because there's not much else to do. I do have a hurdle, however. Once I take a hit, I'm done. Bringing myself to do anything productive becomes anxiety. Once I can get over that, however, I become really focused on the task at hand. More so than when sober. Another hurdle being my desire to just consume whatever we have around the house. I've always been concerned with my weight for health reasons, but living with a significant other somehow makes keeping weight off even more difficult. Curse my slow metabolism.

All in all, I have a lot to do the next few weeks. Wish me luck

~wizoko