In Memoriam: Part of my Soul has Died

 

    Preparing to go on vacation next week, my brother needed someone to take care of his cat. It was decided his cat would be left at my mothers and a family friend would take care of him. It was then decided that my cat would, too, do the same. On Saturday, I handed over my cat to my mother who stopped by. I needed to trick her into her carrier (as per usual) and, upon placing her in the car, I felt a sense of dread. I felt it would be the last time I would see her. I brushed it off as paranoia because I often worried about her. 

    Wednesday was a long day at work. 10 hours with children is exhausting. During that time, my mother asked when I was out of work, not following up as to why. I got home a little after 6:00, took a hit and a shower, anticipating my fiancé's mother and sister coming over as they do most Wednesdays. When I left the shower, I saw my fiancé on our bed with a facial expression that seemed like a mix between sad and frustrated. She said she told her sister and mother to not come over and asked if I talked to my mother yet. I hadn't. I texted her saying I was out of work as I looked in a washed clothes pile for underwear to put on. I hadn't even found a pair when she called. At first I thought my brother's cat Topher had died. Being riddled with issues plaguing him. However, she said Marcy. I had a moment where I thought she was joking. Over the phone, my mom's voice sounds like the voice she used when she was trying to trick me that Marcy was pregnant. I was stopped in the threshold of my bedroom, unable to move. The heart murmur we were monitoring turned into a heart attack. My cat Marcy, the main thing keeping me going for the last 7 years, had passed. 

    The year was 2015. I was a Senior in college and moved into a new apartment. The design was odd. Almost as though the owner converted a raised ranch house into two houses. My room was in the basement with a full window only a couple inches from the ground. The window had no bug screen, but because it was in the basement and because my mother was my mother, I was afraid of carbon monoxide. So I kept my window open while I was home. On October 15th I decided to take a mental health day from my classes. I played video games for a bit, then decided to play guitar. I entered my room, put things on my bed and heard a small trill. I looked over to see a cat on my window still. I didn't own a cat. I was elated. I got a housemate to experience this moment with me. She asked what I was gonna name it. The first thing that came to my mind was the band Marcy Playground and decided on Marcy. It seemed fitting for this wild calico. Most people think I named her based off Marcelene the Vampire Queen from Adventure Time. Which would be something I would do, but that's not the case. Being a good Samaritan and knowing cats are an invasive species, I brought her to the vet to get shots and fixed. She was already fixed and the vet aged her at about 3 years old. 

    For the next year, I hung out with this cat. She would come in, cuddle, bring me mice, etc. Eventually she came by with a collar that had "Hi, my name is Sibbi" on it with a number. She didn't look like a Sibbi, so I kept calling her Marcy.  I also didn't call the number. She was someone's cat, but she chose me. Cuddled with me and rubbed her face on my nose.  

    She wasn't a huge fan of my girlfriend at the time. Sure she cuddled her, but she often knocked things off the shelf on her in the middle of the night. It was pretty funny. 

    When summer came around, I needed to leave her. I needed a whole 'nother year of college though. So I returned the next year. She came back to me soon after. This cat helped me through so much during my last years of college. I was also sure she knew what classes I was taking. Bringing me birds while in Ornithology and Snakes during Herpetology. I'm pretty sure it was the same snake cuz garter snakes play dead and musk. She would "hunt" these snakes, bring them to me and try to cuddle while smelling like a rotting corpse. 

    When it neared the time of Thanksgiving, my housemates found a note on our door. "This is for you" they said. The owner left the note, concerned with where Marcy was going to be during the winter. Confused, I called her. On the other end was an older woman, Mary Lynne, who gave me Marcy's backstory.

    Marcy's mother was owned by Mary's mother. Marcy's mom went off, got pregnant and gave birth to three kittens. Then was later found dead. Mary found a container with a blue liquid left out by the neighbor. The neighbor claimed it was Gatorade, but it seemed more like coolant. Some people are arrogantly cruel. Mary's mother couldn't take care of the kittens and gave them to Mary who proceeded to get Marcy and her brother fixed. Marcy's sister, however was a beautiful white kitten who Mary bred to sell kittens. When the kittens didn't sell, Mary was left with seven cats. Marcy found this to be too crowded and became an outdoor cat, which is when she found me. 

    Mary offered to let me keep her. My mother was fine with it. My father, however, claimed to hate cats. He said "there are already three damn cats here." There was Static: the family cat who passed away a few years ago, Topher: Clay's (my brother) Cat and Bubba: Clay's girlfriend's cat whom she brought with her everywhere. My housemate offered to take Marcy in for the winter break where she adjusted well to being a 100% indoor cat. About halfway through my last semester, my brother and his girlfriend broke up, meaning Bubba was no longer around. I brought up Marcy again and my father relented with a challenge: "if you can get a B+ in your class, you can keep her." Well I was taking Herpetology and it was kicking my ass. From that moment on, I studied my ass off. I aced my final.....and ended with a C+. I told my mom who said "ehh don't worry" and proceeded to tell my dad I got a B+. I got to keep her. 

    Unfortunately, the next year I needed to go into AmeriCorps on Cape Cod. It was the only job I could get. And I had to leave her behind. At least it was only 4 hours away. But I still feel like I lost so much time with her. When I would come back, she would act upset at me for a couple hours, then need to cuddle with me. Eventually she let go of that part of her ego. Immediately running up to me every time I've been away for a bit. 

    I got to be with her after and wasn't separated from her again until 2020. My brother just moved into a new house and wanted to get his cat used to it. Topher became good friends with Marcy and so my brother took her to help him adjust. Covid hit soon after and I moved in with my now fiancé. Her condo didn't allow pets, but her landlord relented so we got Harper. I would have grabbed Marcy were it not for the fact I wasn't actually officially moved in. It was kinda spur of the moment. My parents where in the medical field so we all agreed I would stay with my fiancé until Covid blew over; and I'm still here now.

    Eventually I said "fuck it" and brought her down. As I mentioned in my memorial to Harper, Marcy easily adjusted and freaked Harper out by just existing. After Harper passed, Marcy had full run of the house. And she used it.

    She was a perfect cat. She would do a little trill of acknowledgement when you said hi to her. She would get your attention by tapping your leg. Would stand on two legs, leaning on the kitchen cabinets asking to be fed ham or cheese. If she was really hungry, she would use her claw to grab a single thread in your pants and pull it. When being pet, she would lick your arms to groom you back. She would wait outside the shower and lick the water off your legs. When she got into being pet, she would drool a lot. She liked being picked up and cuddled over the shoulder. She would grab your hand and nibble on your fingers. She would let me (and only me) rub her belly and hold her like a baby. She had nicknames like Marc-a-larce and Kitten Cream. She would rub her cheek against your nose if she really liked you and would fall asleep on your chest in the morning. If your alarm went off or she had even a slight indication that you were awake, she would be there, pestering you until you got her food. She would try to groom my fiancé's long hair, which would just become her grabbing it and pulling, hard. She loved treats and playing with her tower track ball toys. She loved catnip and valerian root, however I think she was immune to being high. I gave her so much of each and it had almost no effect. She hated car rides, but would cuddle on your lap if you let her out of the cage. She loved watching birds and chipmunks, making little "eck eck eck" noises. She made little trills to warn me when she wanted snuggles. She would hold onto one arm and lick it while you pet her with the other. She would kneed and suck on a blanket I had. Almost as though it was a response because she was never properly weened off nursing. She especially liked doing that if she got to straddle one of our legs that was under the blanket. She had a strong personality and owned any room she was in and everything in it. Most importantly, she owned my heart. She took so much of it with her.

   In her last weeks with me, she got to hunt a mouse. Her diet was rescinded and she got to eat more. She got so many cuddles. But I still feel awful. I wasn't with her when she passed. My last act with her was stuffing her in her carrier with her favorite blanket. I wish I had more time with her. I wish I had more pictures. She kept me going through stress, depression, and everything else the past 7 years. I feel so lost and I feel like I lost a part of me I'll never get back. I told her if reincarnation is real, to come back to me with a split colored lip, tapping my leg and licking my arm. That's some strong hoping though. I wanted to get a house and install walkways for her throughout and an outside enclosure where she could sleep in sunbeams, climb things and hunt animals to her heart's content. Now I can't give them to her.

    She was my angel, my familiar, my child and my best friend. She was taken way too soon from me. I hope I was a good owner. I always thought it was never good enough for her. Goodbye you beautiful creature. I could never forget you.