Nine of Wands

 

    The Nine of Wands is a curious card. While many cards are up to interpretation, this one is pretty straightforward. In all depictions of the card, there is a person, weary and beaten. They've seen battle and aren't done with it. They stand prepared for the next oncoming bout. Being the number nine, however, signifies that this is their last one before reaching their goal.
    
    It is a card of hope for an upcoming difficult time. It calls upon you to keep working towards your dreams even when the world seems against you. 

    In a lot of spiritualities, there is a point in life where a persons entire being is put to the test. Their ideals, hopes, dreams and their place in the world. This is normally around the time someone turns 30. In Astrology, it's called Saturn's Return, meaning it's the three to four year span where Saturn is back to where it was when you were born. The first return is the most difficult. It's when you're forced to grow up and deal with things or perish (metaphorically). That makes sense for, in Astrology, Saturn governs discipline and responsibility; things I've never been great with. This month, Saturn has returned for me. I already feel myself slipping away. I've been having mental breakdowns nearly every day now. I feel detached from everything. All this doesn't help with what's to come.

    I start a job soon. On the 20th to be exact. My first full time permanent job with benefits; and I couldn't be more upset about it. For starters, it's doing forestry work, which I hate so much. My time as a seasonal forester was probably the worst year I had working. At least with this job, it's less lugging paint around. After the wide array of job's I've applied and interviewed for, the only one to offer is one I really didn't want. I have to do it, though. I have to make money and get a better place to live for my soon to be wife. If it weren't for her....

    I did, however, actually sit down to work on some things. I'm hoping to get started on some kind of 2D game while I still take my classes on 3D games. This class, however, is already stressing me out. We've had one blog post due and I already got a D. The class is environment design, so there will be a focus on moods and themes and I have tried multiple times to distinguish the two. I can't. That's why I got a D. The professor wanted an example of a level's mood, and I guess I wrote about theme. But theme creates the mood so I couldn't tell you why what I said didn't answer the prompt. 

    All in all, there's supposedly a light at the end of another tunnel coming up, and this tunnel is going to be long and dark. If I survive this, I will hopefully be a game designer. 

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