Nine of Pentacles

 

    For a long time, I've had some anxiety about my finances. In college I often avoided ordering food or drinks out for fear of draining my bank account. In AmeriCorps, I lived off my savings and about $3/hr. When we would go out to Provincetown, I would stuff nippers in my coat to avoid buying drinks at bars and shoot them down when the bouncers weren't paying attention. If it weren't for the kindness of my mother and her helping me with my finances, I would be so screwed right now.

    Now I have a job. It's weird. After almost 6 years of searching for jobs, I finally land a full time one. Sure it's not a job I really want or enjoy, but I'm actually earning something that feels like a paycheck instead of an allowance. I mean, my first paycheck went straight to rent and utilities, but still. 

    The Nine of Pentacles is just that: financial independence and abundance. This elegant woman near a garden fence, brandishing a large falcon, representing her spiritual and intellectual prowess. Some versions of this card show her in a vineyard and with a house in the background.

    Now, I should say, that in my yearly reading here, this card was reversed. This deck, as I established, doesn't like being read in reverse, however the reverse makes sense as well. It predicts an over-investment in work or hustling. Upon taking this job, I felt all my free time disappear. My schedule would consist of work, exercising, streaming and working on projects. I haven't been doing good at keeping with that, but I really should be working on things such as school work, animation, music and game design, but that same wall still exists, and I end up feeling like most nights are wasted. My class is already on the last few weeks, and I seem so far behind, and yet, I'm writing this and dreading tomorrow instead.