Trying Again



 Hi everyone,

    I'm trying to come back and be more visible again. 

    I started a new job and, honestly, I'm really tired of this. I've been banking on some weird plan idea I had since college to get a stable job, then start working on art and games; but It never works out like that. I just get exhausted working and hit a wall, making it impossible to work on anything. It took a lot of mental work, and more mental breakdowns than I'd like to admit, to feel like I'm making a crack in the wall that prevents me from sitting down to work on anything. It's still there, and it still takes a lot for me to do anything, but at least I'm doing something and I hope it lasts.

    That being said, my mental health still feels like it's declining, I'm just lucky it turned into the "fuck it just do it" field instead of the usual "what's the point, I suck" field. 

    I finished this illustration of Shiver from Splatoon and plan to do some concept art for the game I started working on I'm calling DI.Exe. I'm trying to collect interesting clips from my streams to make shorts to put on my wizoko instagram (oh yeah, I made an insta for the channel it's the_archmage_wizoko. All I have so far on it is this illustration), but getting interesting clips is easier said than done. Since I'm dabbling in video editing again, I might try to get my YouTube channel back up, but that's a little lower on my list.

    So I don't feel overwhelmed by the amount of work that goes into making a game, I'm doing side creative pursuits like writing a story. Originally I wanted it to be a graphic novel, but it basically hit a wall because I struggled with consistency in my art and character designs. Thanks to the book series Dungeon Crawler Carl and how I saw it be transferred into a comic, I decided recently to just try and write it. I may have mentioned this in a post long ago (all the posts are long ago now), but it's called The Mansion at the Edge of the Universe. I rewrote the first chapter multiple times. I'm still questioning if I'm choosing the right kind of narrator for it. Currently I'm going for the more restricted 3rd person narration that can read the main characters mind but not others.

    To help me work on this, I've tried to set a rule to not play games unless it's for streaming or recording purposes. While, generally, it's helped, I haven't been sticking to it 100%. What's weirdly been helpful is my mental health has declined to a point where playing games isn't giving me the same dopamine it used to......so, silver lining, I guess. 

    My main distraction lately has been the Dungeon Crawler Carl books. I started them about three months ago and I'm halfway through book 6. I don't say distraction in a negative way, it's been nice having something interest me away from a screen. It's also helped me come up with my own ideas and inspires me to actually work on them. Thanks Matt Dinniman. Although I fear a bit for what will happen when I catch up in the series. Will I be freed up to work on things more, or will I fall into another distraction?

    Other life updates: My cats are doing great. Vivi (my tiny black cat) still follows me around and is napping on her little bed I fashioned to my desk as I write this. Rennala is still her demanding self, but has been much more cuddly as of late. Mihawk is still a mush, but he got out a little over a year ago. My friend came over to help me tear up carpet and left the door outside slightly open. It took a week to catch him again. I slept on an air mattress in the basement with the door open, hoping he'd walk back in (I use the word "sleep" lightly. I didn't sleep much that week). The poor thing was so excited when we got him back inside. I'm glad my neighbors kept an eye out and that Mihawk was born in the area as a stray so he was familiar with some of the area enough to remain close by. We ended up catching him in my next door neighbors yard. He's a lot less curios about the outside now. 

    My new job refreshed my streak of shit weekends. Back to Monday-Tuesday. I had to change my stream schedule again. But at least I get home at 3 instead of 4:30-5 so I feel more comfortable doing evening streams. But now my social life is going back down the drain.

    Stay tuned for more updates. I'll try to be productive enough so I have actual updates. I gotta prepare to start streaming so I'll sign off for now.

Stay Weird,

wizoko


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