Tale of a Game Magus

 Been a while. Not much has happened, I suppose.  I got a drone. The Mavic 3. Hopefully I can start doing video and photography with that soon. Just waiting on the tablet to come in so I can see what I'm doing. My writing class is pretty straight forward, which is nice. We've written a couple things to just portray setting and conflict. I based them off a story idea I had about if D&D style magic was in our world. I mean, that idea has been done before but I have my own spin on it. I was able to draw a bit. A silly comic character I came up with called The Littlest Goblin. I'm just so frustrated with myself. I struggle so hard with perspective, head shapes and hands/feet. I can draw weird things easily, but who can't? Just draw whatever the fuck you feel like. I know that to get better, I need to just draw more. I've heard that 1000 times from artists. Like I fucking know. I can't bring myself to do the things I want to do. I'm not sure if it's fear ...

  A blank mind An active screen draws the attention of my withering dream Glass walls  that don't exist fill me with fear and pejorative bliss Caked with  prints and grime past attempts and so much lost time Screams can be heard but only by me a glass wall I cannot see

 When there's big change on the horizon, many things seem to change at once, not always things you want.  I finally got around to contacting a broker and, subsequently, a real-estate agent. We are starting the long stressful process of finding a house. I'm a little concerned that I have yet to get a real job of any kind and thus have no idea where exactly to look for a house. I have a range, based off my other and my current job which I now can't quit until I either get a better job or a house. Though my other is considering taking a position at a different campus, so that might limit our range to a certain area.  It's even more unfortunate that I'm backed into a job corner because my boss decided to expand into food. We've had basic pastries that he would buy from Big Y and resell (not sure if that's entirely legal), but he now wants me to be a sandwich artisan. I avoided regular food service thus far. Food service workers are treated like shit and have a l...

 After another long drive, I return home. I would have wrote these past couple days, but I forgot. I am stressed over the paper I need to submit on Sunday and I feel like I don't grasp entirely what I have to do. I did not get around to reading Hero of a Thousand Faces like I hoped. It would have helped my paper. Perhaps I could listen to a rundown of it today sometime.  My computer keeps showing signs of slowing down. It froze during my stream on Tuesday. I had 3 watchers too. It's unfortunate, really. Every time I make an inch, I feel like I'm pushed back a foot. I am failing at Inktober too. I didn't draw at all on my trip.  I am, however thinking of a story to write. Hopefully in a graphic novel or online comic style. Something weird so it doesn't have to look great. Something related to dreams with some seriousness but mostly silly. Almost like what I gleamed from what little I read of Homestuck. I feel useless unless I am creating something. I feel like I can...

 Whenever I get busy, I think about the antagonist from the animated Frosty the Snowman movie. Specifically his nasally voice saying "I'm busy. busy busy busy." Not important though. No huge updates this week. I've just been busy doing homework, working and not having much free time until I'm already tired and basically braindead.  I'm very tired of hard, uncomfortable chairs. My computer chair is uncomfortable and the chair I've been using at work is uncomfortable. It's taking a toll on my hips. Still another week of not drawing, but I feel my schedule was a bit of an excuse here. In a couple weeks I'm heading to Delaware for my cousin's wedding. After that, I think my schedule will even out. I kinda regret taking an extra day at work. It's exhausting working 9 hours a day, bored for most of it, sitting in an uncomfortable chair. I do need the money.... Mentally, I feel it's taking a toll on me too. My coworkers can't even be bothe...

 I feel like I'm starting to have a better grasp of what I need to do for these classes. I have to do a paper as my final on an archetype and I'm starting to question if doing Heroes and the Hero's Journey was a good idea. Might have my work cut out for me (I still don't understand that saying. I only recently learned it means the opposite of what I thought  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). I still, however, feel unproductive. I'm getting my work done, going to my job, and doing chores regularly, but I feel like I'm still not doing enough to accomplish my goals. I did have some inspiration for Elditone based off my class. I'm writing a mythology book to go with the game's lore about the gods (making it written from the perspective of an archeologist so some things might be wrong or incomplete and some things might be lies the gods made).  I keep talking about how I need to draw but it's difficult to sit down and just do it and when I do, either I draw a blank or somethin...

 I've never been good with schedules. In college, even, I would miss class and assignments often. I would have to set multiple reminders for finals. It's a wonder that I passed. Even now I struggle to keep to a school schedule. you'd think it would be easier considering work is stagnant and I should have time for the readings and assignments, but I instead just distract myself with meaningless shit. Maybe it's because the class isn't game design but instead a mythology class that seems almost chaotically designed.  I finally don't have plans on my days off. Maybe I can catch up/get ahead. In the meantime I still have an assignment due tomorrow based off the readings. My computer is struggling. I actually sat down to draw (be proud of me) but my tablet struggled to connect and the program I use refused to open. On top of that, I couldn't download the update for a game for my stream. I'm afraid that it may not last before I finished saving for a replacemen...