Tale of a Game Magus

      People like lists. Part of the success of clickbait articles is the fact they're lists of some sort with a fuck ton of advertisements strewn about while they drag out the content onto multiple pages to milk ad revenue for as much as they possibly can. It's an annoying business model but you really want to know why number 3 will shock you.  I prefer lists that just have everything right there. Maybe a short description underneath each entry.       I often like to think about top 10 lists of things. But sometimes I get caught up on overly complicated nuances and don't like to leave things out. Like I have a list of favorite shows, but I have a separate list of favorite anime. But that list of anime may or may not take into account the manga. If it's hard for me to pick a specific example from a franchise, I'll just put in the whole franchise.     When it comes to video games I decided on 3 lists. Two of them are games I rec...

    Dreams are such a terrible thing to have. They're a burden on the mind and each minute you spend not attempting to accomplish such dreams is torture. I often wonder if giving up is the best idea. It would be less of a burden on myself, but I may loathe my existence more so than I do now. Giving up on a dream feels just as bad as holding on to them. Once you have them, you've sealed your fate to a form of suffering. Perhaps that's just me, and I'm speaking to the void while living in a constant state of self loathing. Or perhaps I have too many dreams and I just get overwhelmed by everything required for each one and I shut down mentally and resort to distractions or half-ass part of a project only to realize I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.      I know what you're going to say: How's therapy going? It's not. Within the three weeks since I was supposed to start, We have had one session which just went through my family history. We only got t...

         The Ten of Cups is one of the more straightforward cards. It indicates positive familial relationships. Usually romantic, however not necessarily. There has been growing pressure on myself and my fiancé for a lot of things. Mostly career related.                I, as you may know, feel stuck in a field I no longer have passion for and cannot get a job in anyway. Many in my life believe my ever declining mental state is because I can't get a job. My father being one who believes this. I disagree. It would be one thing to not be able to get a job, but to not get a job doing what I don't even want to do, all the while feeling as though I failed myself in obtaining the skills in what I actually desire is something else altogether. I have reached out and will begin therapy next week. Hopefully I get the strength and knowhow to overcome my crippling executive dysfunction.      My fiancé...

I've been doing a poor job at keeping up with my blog and a poor job at starting my YouTube back up. My most recent class requires more time than my other classes. Also Elden Ring took up a lot of my time. That's not to say I haven't been working on some preliminary stuff.  My April card was the Two of Cups. This card is pretty straightforward: Denotes a connection between two people. Usually romantic, but not necessarily. In all honesty, I hope the latter. I mean I am already engaged with a wonderful woman and I don't really expect that to change. I hope to have the connection with someone who might compliment my creative side and push me to actually get projects done instead of sitting down, staring at a blank screen trying to actually start something.  I have written most of a script for a potential video about Kirby lore and I am working on making a cartoony avatar of myself to make videos akin to Saberspark, EgoRaptor or even Terminal Montage. I'm just hung up ...

 What can be said about The Fool? Numbered zero in the deck, it stands for new beginnings. The young chimney sweep in this card denotes childlike awe and inspiration. Not bogged down by society and not aware of society's true expectations of him. He stands on the roof, in unsullied clothes, above the toil that others deal with and is prepared to begin his journey of life. The sunrise in the background adds to this new beginning. The original card is often depicted similarly: a young character carrying a rucksack on a stick, standing on the precipice, about to leap down into the world below, accompanied by a white dog as their guiding light. Often showing clean or pure imagery such as the white flower and clean clothes, the card pushes the idea of "new." This was my card for March. I will note it was reversed, however my deck doesn't want to be read as such, luckily. This month already begins a new class of illustration. One week in and it's already proving more in...

  It is with a heavy heart I announce that Harper has passed away suddenly. She was acting lethargic in a way she had before. A quick nap was a usual fix. We went out on a walk to give her some quiet. She was found by my fiancé's sister in an odd position, breathing heavily. We hurried home and rushed her off to the hospital. I held her as her breaths grew more sporadic. The vets did what they could, but ultimately she passed away on the table as they were putting in the iv. According to the vet, she was not conscious through her spiraling, and thus didn't suffer like she looked like she was. The vet said it was either a brain disease or undiagnosed diabetes. A brain disease would explain all her quirks. I'm just glad we were by her side when she passed. I hope she knew how loved she was. Bless my fiancé, she held it together significantly better than myself. She was a sweet polydactyl cat. We adopted her from a cat rescue. She was about three years old and was found with a...

 As my current class comes to an end, I need to look ahead a bit to see what I will need in the upcoming months. I move on from this into Illustration. I'm a little terrified, to be honest. It builds on the knowledge one would have gained in a regular 100 level drawing class. Apparently one of the credits from college that carried over for me was my drawing class. It seems this one will also use pencils and large paper. I might need to make a trip to the craft store later this week for a few things. I have the constant feeling that I will be sub par at this course; believing my classmates would have been drawing consistently their whole lives, making this class another introductory coding class for me where everyone already knows everything and are just taking the course because they have to. I could prepare by watching through the udemy class on drawing I purchased years ago but never finished.  In other news, however, I finally purchased a new computer. Significantly more po...