Tale of a Game Magus

      Preparing to go on vacation next week, my brother needed someone to take care of his cat. It was decided his cat would be left at my mothers and a family friend would take care of him. It was then decided that my cat would, too, do the same. On Saturday, I handed over my cat to my mother who stopped by. I needed to trick her into her carrier (as per usual) and, upon placing her in the car, I felt a sense of dread. I felt it would be the last time I would see her. I brushed it off as paranoia because I often worried about her.      Wednesday was a long day at work. 10 hours with children is exhausting. During that time, my mother asked when I was out of work, not following up as to why. I got home a little after 6:00, took a hit and a shower, anticipating my fiancé's mother and sister coming over as they do most Wednesdays. When I left the shower, I saw my fiancé on our bed with a facial expression that seemed like a mix between sad and ...

      A very strange card that has two potential meanings. Either it tells me to save money or to spend it. With how my life is now, I hardly know which.      People will always say that it is better to save money, but what's the point of savings if you never spend it? I've always been a tad stingy with my money; always fearing that I would run out. While in college I didn't have a source of income. In AmeriCorps I was paid about $3 an hour and was on food stamps. Since then, I've only had seasonal positions that paid a little above state minimum. I've never felt financially stable, however my savings weren't bad all things considered. I wouldn't spend my money on many things compared to someone like my brother or fiancé; opting to really plan out and save for any purchases outside of the necessities. My computer was a huge purchase for me that I had planned for years before I actually put in the order. Living away from my parent umbrella gives its own set ...

           For obvious reasons, gameplay is important to a game. But that seems to go over people's heads. Some games just feel clunky. Little to no love went into it, hoping to get by on interesting concepts alone. Yooka Laylee and Mighty #9 are perfect examples. They tried to ride the coat tails of their predecessors of Banjo-Kazooie and Mega Man. Even having the original creators and, in the case of Yooka Laylee, the original composer. But both games felt half-assed. They were glitchy and felt like fan games of the predecessors.      Some games seem great in retrospect, but when re-visited, don't stand the test of time. Often times people see a childhood game through rose colored glasses and can't see what's wrong with it. I've been recommended Shadow of the Colossus since it came out. When I finally played it, I was incredibly disappointed. The controls were some of the most frustrating I've ever used. Clunky and just awkward. B...

      First off, I want to preface this by saying I forgot to do last month's card of the Three of Cups. This card stood for celebration and friendship. It was, however upside down and while I don't always read reverse, this one seemed to fit with what actually happened. The reverse meaning either solemness or loneliness. While busy, the month felt relatively jovial. There was a week where my fiancé left on a trip and I took that time to really just kinda meditate and think about myself.      In the Three of Wands, a man stands on a hill overlooking a harbor. He has a tripod type of setup with a spyglass looking out towards the horizon. The card stands for careful planning and slow execution. A planning stage per-say for what is to come.      As always, I have more ideas than drive, however, this time, I feel more a push for productivity. It helps that my therapist began to give me the task of doing at least 3 hours working on ...

      People like lists. Part of the success of clickbait articles is the fact they're lists of some sort with a fuck ton of advertisements strewn about while they drag out the content onto multiple pages to milk ad revenue for as much as they possibly can. It's an annoying business model but you really want to know why number 3 will shock you.  I prefer lists that just have everything right there. Maybe a short description underneath each entry.       I often like to think about top 10 lists of things. But sometimes I get caught up on overly complicated nuances and don't like to leave things out. Like I have a list of favorite shows, but I have a separate list of favorite anime. But that list of anime may or may not take into account the manga. If it's hard for me to pick a specific example from a franchise, I'll just put in the whole franchise.     When it comes to video games I decided on 3 lists. Two of them are games I rec...

    Dreams are such a terrible thing to have. They're a burden on the mind and each minute you spend not attempting to accomplish such dreams is torture. I often wonder if giving up is the best idea. It would be less of a burden on myself, but I may loathe my existence more so than I do now. Giving up on a dream feels just as bad as holding on to them. Once you have them, you've sealed your fate to a form of suffering. Perhaps that's just me, and I'm speaking to the void while living in a constant state of self loathing. Or perhaps I have too many dreams and I just get overwhelmed by everything required for each one and I shut down mentally and resort to distractions or half-ass part of a project only to realize I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.      I know what you're going to say: How's therapy going? It's not. Within the three weeks since I was supposed to start, We have had one session which just went through my family history. We only got t...

         The Ten of Cups is one of the more straightforward cards. It indicates positive familial relationships. Usually romantic, however not necessarily. There has been growing pressure on myself and my fiancé for a lot of things. Mostly career related.                I, as you may know, feel stuck in a field I no longer have passion for and cannot get a job in anyway. Many in my life believe my ever declining mental state is because I can't get a job. My father being one who believes this. I disagree. It would be one thing to not be able to get a job, but to not get a job doing what I don't even want to do, all the while feeling as though I failed myself in obtaining the skills in what I actually desire is something else altogether. I have reached out and will begin therapy next week. Hopefully I get the strength and knowhow to overcome my crippling executive dysfunction.      My fiancé...